


i'm falling again

by Darling in Devildom (kylobenrensolo)



Series: The Unrequited Chronicles [1]
Category: Shall We Date?: Obey Me!
Genre: Angst, Angst and Tragedy, Blood and Injury, Emotional Hurt, Gen, Harry Styles - Freeform, Jealousy, Lucifer Loves You Why Didn't You Pick Him, OBEYMEmber, Possibly Unrequited Love, Self-Hatred, Self-Indulgent, Song Lyrics, Song fic, This One's Real Sad Just A Warning
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-03
Updated: 2020-11-03
Packaged: 2021-03-09 01:20:18
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,236
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27366448
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kylobenrensolo/pseuds/Darling%20in%20Devildom
Summary: Lucifer had never done anything he wasn’t proud of. At least, not intentionally. That included falling in love with you.The Unrequited Chronicles (Lucifer)OBEYMEmber: A Song Fic ("Falling" by Harry Styles)
Relationships: Lucifer & Main Character (Shall We Date?: Obey Me!), Lucifer (Shall We Date?: Obey Me!) & Reader, Lucifer (Shall We Date?: Obey Me!)/Reader, Lucifer/Main Character (Shall We Date?: Obey Me!)
Series: The Unrequited Chronicles [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2097606
Comments: 7
Kudos: 61





	i'm falling again

Lucifer was a prideful demon. It was in the title. He had never done anything he wasn’t proud of. At least, not intentionally. That included falling in love with you. His love wasn’t like that of his brothers’. He didn’t slowly feel it creep upon him; he didn’t seek it out. Your love was like the ocean. He was the unsuspecting child, playing in the sand. His back turned to the waves because he did not know to fear them. Until it swept him away. It crashed like thunder against the rocks and catapulted everything upwards. Including his life. He didn’t even notice the sun’s years of harsh blisters to his skin until the cool water eased and relieved each one. He never knew drowning could feel so much like living. Really living. Of course, the salt settled in his lungs and burned. Right now, they were on fire.   
  


_I'm in my bed_

_And you're not here_

_And there's no one to blame but the drink and my wandering hands_

  
He reached out for his glass, nearly missing it. His eyes were elsewhere. He figured if he stared long enough, the words would rearrange themselves into something less… painful. Painful… Did he even know what that meant anymore? Hadn’t everything been born and live of pain? He didn’t have the right to be… he just didn’t have the right. He hesitated. His pride couldn’t take the blow of rejection and thus, you found another to pull into the uncertain seas. 

  
“Hey, Lucifer! Don’t wait up! I’m on a date with …” 

_  
Forget what I said_

_It's not what I meant_

_And I can't take it back_

_I can't unpack the baggage you left_

  
The name didn’t matter because, at that moment, they all were one. Mammon, Leviathan, Satan, Asmodeus, Beelzebub, Belphegor. It didn’t matter who. The rim of his glass finally met his awaiting lips and trickled, just barely, past the lump tightening in his throat. He had no right. Lucifer had known love. Truth be told, that made him one of the odd ones out in the Devildom. Demons, true 100% demons, never usually had the luxury. Or the curse. It never made sense to him how something could make him feel powerful and weak all in the same second. How he could want to give you the world and hide so far inside of it that you’d never find him in the same breath. How he could love you and be destroyed by a single string of words.

_  
What am I now?_

_What am I now?_

_What if I'm someone I don't want around?_

_I'm fallin' again_

_I'm fallin' again_

_I'm fallin'_

  
Loving you wasn’t a choice. Neither was being cast from Heaven. They felt the same though. The wind lashed at his back, but all he could see were the clouds above. They took shapes. Your smile when you successfully made him laugh. How small your hand was in his when he guided you through the busy streets. The way your hair looked on the early mornings you were up before even him. Your brows, pinched and concerned, while begging him to take a break. Your body calling for him by your side. At least, he thought it was. If he had imagined this, how truly blinded was he? Could he fall further than Hell?

_  
What if I'm down?_

_What if I'm out?_

_What if I'm someone you won't talk about?_

_I'm fallin' again_

_I'm fallin' again_

_I'm fallin'_

  
He slammed the glass down harder than intended when it ran dry, but didn’t flinch when a new red seeped into its place. He flexed the clotting hand open, allowing the mess and shards of his heart to fall to the wood below. He could most likely repair it, but it would never be usable again. Even the smallest of pieces that turned to dust would cause his confessions to leak and empty into a pathetic mess. It would go on a shelf, hidden away for the rest of eternity. You wouldn’t live that long, but what remained of you, imprinted on his soul, would. 

_  
You said you cared_

_And you missed me, too_

_And I'm well aware I write too many songs about you_

_And the coffee's out_

_At the Beachwood Café_

_And it kills me 'cause I know we've run out of things we can say_

  
He often caught himself thinking of the future. Can you imagine that? For the last millennia, his thoughts of the coming times never extended beyond the future prince’s needs and keeping his brothers in line. He wondered now what it would be like to wake up next to you every day. To spend a rainy day cuddled up in his study. To visit all your favorite human world locations and see them through your eyes. To live, just live, in peace and harmony and silence and completion together. 

_  
What am I now?_

_What am I now?_

_What if I'm someone I don't want around?_

_I'm fallin' again_

_I'm fallin' again_

_I'm fallin'_

  
He was frustrated. He had rage. How dare you uproot everything he had worked so hard to keep steady. How dare you make him question everything he had ever known. How dare you make him relive the oldest wound he had ever carried the burden of. Lilith. She loved mortality. She felt everything that threatened him to his very core and chose to love anyway. Chose to fight. Ultimately, chose to die. Could he say he’d do the same? No. That wasn’t a question. Of course. The foundation was shaky, but the floors and the walls you supported him with were strong. He’d have to be strong now. 

_  
What if I'm down?_

_What if I'm out?_

_What if I'm someone you won't talk about?_

_I'm fallin' again_

_I'm fallin' again_

_I'm fallin'_

_And I get the feelin' that you'll never need me again_

  
What was he worth to you if not your protector? If not the provider of your safety and security? His reassurances played like a broken record, but he meant them all the same. If he held up a mirror, would he find the shattered remains your needs or him desperately hoping you’ll provide him his own? Who knew the Avatar of Pride could wonder if he was enough? Who knew the Avatar of Pride could know in his core that he wasn’t? You deserved his brother. His brother deserved you. Neither of you deserved the burden of him.

_  
What am I now?_

_What am I now?_

_What if you're someone I just want around?_

_I'm fallin' again_

_I'm fallin' again_

_I'm fallin'_

  
He reached for a discarded cloth, wrapping it once, twice around his palm. Perhaps it would throb and beat, but the quick rise and fall of his chest had his full attention. Butterflies in his stomach turned into flowers in his lungs, thick with vines and thorns. The clicks and vibration of his slender, dexterous fingers to the simulated keys made him tremble. He couldn’t make you want him. He couldn’t make you care for him. He couldn’t make you love him. He could only hope. He could only live. He could only fall. 

_  
What if I'm down?_

_What if I'm out?_

_What if I'm someone you won't talk about?_

_I'm fallin' again_

_I'm fallin' again_

_I'm fallin'_

  
Please, please, please. See me. I need you.

  
“Have a good time.”

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry. This was a rough one. It's been a rough one.
> 
> Stay safe.
> 
> -Darling (@devildomdarling)


End file.
